It's a sin to kill a mockingbird.

He didn’t understand why him being plastered meant he couldn’t get any in the bathroom right now. I mean yes her family and friends were outside the door and it was totally inappropriate but…well, he was plastered and he didn’t care. Though quite honestly the likelihood of them getting anywhere with how much liquor was in him was probably close to zero and he’d just end up laughing at his lame efforts to satisfy her when he couldn’t barely stand. But her teasing was driving him bonkers. He frowned at the mention of food, the thought made his stomach churn, but her next suggestion brightened him up. Oh that one, he liked that suggestion, far better.

And then just like that, she was stepping away from him and he frowned. Wait, wait, wait! He didn’t want door number one! He wanted door number two! He shook his head and made grabby hands at her, grinning like a fool again “Nooo, no. I don’t need food. Food isn’t what I need. Water either. Nope, I neeeeddd yooouuuuu” He stretched out the words and started laughing at himself as he tried to grab at her hips and pull her back near him.

He nodded and puffed up like a peacock “Of course I can handle you. I can handle you 265, 24/7, seven days a week, nine to five, Monday through Sunday…” He trailed off and looked puzzled for a moment before frowning “What was I talking about again?” He had totally gotten off course and couldn’t even recall what his point was meant to be when he began speaking. Of course he wanted to please her, she was gorgeous, women like her deserved to be pleased. His eyes widened, dumbfounded at her request until she started laughing and he realized she was playing. He laughed too “I’m glad that was a joke because if I get down on my knees I think I’ll just fall over” She was helping him hold him up for the moment.

He maybe couldn’t exactly get it up, but he could attempt half mast, that was something right? Her teasing made him moan and close his eyes, wishing he had enough clarity in him to just push her against the wall and take her. He took the glass with a frown, not really wanting it. It made his stomach churn to imagine drinking it, but if it had been liquor who would have downed it already. The mention of puking made him make another face and he looked over to the toilet and moved closer to it, patting the top of it “I’ll make good friends with this while you’re gone” He didn’t feel sick, but he sure didn’t want to throw up on her by accident.

When she corrected him he blinked and looked confused, trying to count in his head the correct number but, well, that didn’t go well and he gave up “Um…the…last hundred days is, a, massage?” He then laughed at himself. Oh boy he was so gone. He grinned when she told him she loved him and he leaned forward to give her a sloppy kiss “I love you too. Let’s move to Connecticut and make babies and have a dog. Like in the movies” Apparently he had been seen too many movies, but they were so fascinating, he couldn’t help it. He wouldn’t remember anything in the morning…but the boogeyman would, unfortunately. But that was a worry for later.

He started snickering like a fool again “Sit on a toilet? Take a load off?” He started laughing again and stumbled, sliding against the counter he was leaning against and almost toppled over, but he managed to save himself, very messily but he did. He managed to get to the toilet however and sit down after fumbling with the cover to get it down, then sat like a good little boy. When she grabbed him he jumped sluggishly then smirked “Oh…oh I can do thattt” No he couldn’t, but couldn’t blame a man for trying while she was gone.

Oh lord why did she keep grabbing at him? She could just grab his nose and hed still be turned on. IT was the nurse of liquor, he could get aroused yet nothing seemed to be taking flight and she was driving him crazy. He would have told her to stop before she killed him but, well, it felt way too good for him to tell her to stop. He was not ticklish, so her hands on him trying to tickle him were just making him more horny then he already was…and he was pretty horny to begin with. He laughed though because he thought her attempts were funny and when she mentioned a ring he grinned “I can get one out of a cracker jack box”

When she returned he had slumped on the toilet seat and had his head leaned back with his eyes closed. Oh lord he felt like crap…he seriously needed to never drink again. The warm and fuzzy face of his stupor was gone, and now he was quickly falling from his alcoholic high. He raised his heavy head to look at her, the world spinning a bit as he did so and he made a face “What time is it?” He felt like he had been napping, but he wasn’t sure. A treat? “Is it lacey and see through?”